I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
