I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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