I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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