You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
