4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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