I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
