I cannot find my penis.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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