Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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