I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I have post one night stand depression
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
