I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm just crazy horny about you
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize