Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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