THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
