Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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