im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
