Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
