i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
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