69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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