maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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