Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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