You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
