She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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