I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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