Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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