Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
