becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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