Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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