Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
