I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
