So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
