3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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