I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
