my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
