good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
