On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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