She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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