so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
