can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize