im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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