Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Randomize
