I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
