she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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