Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
