Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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