me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
