It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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