4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
