i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
