The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
