She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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