i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
What a dumb baby whore.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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