no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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