when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
