drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
