would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
