I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize