My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We just shotgunned beers for America
My bed is full of blood and feathers
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Don't judge me šš¼ his dick just whispers my name
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I really regret not asking ālike a cupcakeā when you asked me to eat your ass
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when Iām eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
