Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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