ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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