i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
