Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
