not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
