the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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