Grow some girl-balls and come out already
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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