mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
