i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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