just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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