have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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