Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Drake has all the answers
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
