Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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