You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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