So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
